Tag Archives: bizsplaining

So, you don’t think you directly benefit from nonprofits

sn,x1313-bg,f8f8f8.u1Hi everyone. Before we begin today’s post, a couple of announcements. First, my organization is hiring a Development and Communications Manager. Spread the word to anyone who may be a good fit. Make sure they believe in #OxfordCommaForever though, because we are not going to get along otherwise. Second, new NWB merchandise! The Nonprofit Unicorn Mantra line of products! Also, I got comments from non-nonprofit readers who felt left out, so here is some “I am a social justice unicorn” merchandise.

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This week, my awesome smart audio speaker arrived. It’s really cool. I can use my voice to ask it to play music, forecast the weather, read news headlines, set the timer, add things to my calendar, and—with other devices linked to it—control the lights and other appliances in the house. Her name is Alexa, and she’s a lifesaver when I have a newborn screaming in my ears and a three-year-old dangling from my leg. Alexa also spouts pick-up lines upon request, although “Hey girl. Are you a high chair? Because I want to put a baby in you” did nothing to calm the children down.

Why do I bring this up? Because I am amazed and grateful for all the incredible stuff people come up with. I appreciate inventors and manufacturers and retailers and am happy to pay money for useful gadgets that make my life easier. For-profits are critical to society, and we nonprofit folks understand that. I don’t know a single nonprofit that makes vodka. Continue reading

Dear business people, please stop bizsplaining things to us nonprofit folks

ra,unisex_tshirt,x3104,fafafa ca443f4786,front-c,650,630,900,975-bg,f8f8f8Hi everyone, before we get into today’s topic, look, NWB merchandise is on sale! Get an “I Am A Nonprofit Unicorn” t-shirt, hoodie, mug, or other stuff. Big thanks to my talented webmaster/designer Stacy Nguyen. Other designs—such as the Nonprofit Unicorn Mantra, and nonprofit yoga poses—are coming later. (In case you are wondering, all proceeds from the sale of NWB stuff go directly to my childcare payments. Someone should have told me how ridiculously expensive children are).

And don’t forget NWB’s poetry contest, sponsored by Nonstop, is due next week, March 27th! You can win up to $750 in cold hard cash!

All right, business pals, we need to have another talk. First of all, I love y’all. I just moved into a new house this week, and spent time at a hardware store trying to find these little thingies that hold up the shelves in my kitchen cabinets. They’re called “shelf pins,” and you can move them to different holes to lower or raise the shelves. Without some business somewhere making these little pins, my liquor cabinet would not be able to fit my really tall bottles of vodka and it would just look awful. So yes, I am deeply appreciative for all the businesses out there doing all sorts of useful, interesting, and important stuff. I am glad you exist, and I am glad to pay money for the stuff you make and do. Especially vodka.

But dude, the condescension needs to stop. Recently, I’ve noticed it has been in the form of explaining to us simple nonprofit bumpkins just how much better off we’d be if we just acted more like businesses. Sometimes it is conscious, most times it is not, but always it is irritating. One time, I was showing a potential board member our Saturday morning program, which served 150 kids. It was his first visit, and he launched into a lecture about having a business plan. “We have a three-year strategic plan,” I said, and before I could elaborate, he interrupted to explain what a business plan was. He interrupted several times to explain various Important Business Concepts to me. Continue reading